PLEASE READ: this listing is for the case only. It does not include an AKG D19. If you get this in the mail and ask me where the microphone is, I’m gonna hack your Email and sign you up for personal business loans, subscribe to the Turning Point newsletter, start a go-fund-me to buy yourself a Diddy sized pallet of baby oil, ask Reddit “is it just me or do the Beatles suck?” and sign you up for a 15 year gym membership in Guam.

It is a box, it opens and closes. there are no rips or tears. It is blue. It is a rectangular shape.The latch and hinges work great.

How heavy is it, you ask? If you drop it on your toe without a shoe and are a GenZ, you will cry, curse the day you were born and take a tearful selfie. If you are a miennial you’ll say, “owwwwwie mommie,” and may mention it to anyone who will listen for a bit. If you’re GenX you wince and treat yourself to a seasonal dairy free latte at the “bucks” and if you’re older than that you should be ok. It’s not that heavy.

Just look at that iridescent green glow. Note there was no green light anywhere near this box when these photos were taken. This “magical microphone delivery system” comes with an incredible story. According to the guy I got it from, as Elvis Presley was ending his final show mere weeks before his untimely death, he climbed up a ladder in the middle of the Las Vegas stage, held this box in the air and proclaimed this to be the greatest box that was ever made. Mere moments before he keeled over on the can, his housekeep heard him mumble his last words, “something something something AMAZING BLUE BOX…. aaaaakkkkkk.” When she opened the bathroom door he had a peanut butter and banana bacon sandwich in one hand and this box in the other.

The Elvis Presley estate presented it to Frank Sinatra, who Elvis had bequeathed this box to in his will, who kept it in a glass display case surrounded by armed security guards 24/7. Upon Franks expiration, Nancy Sinatra donated it to the Smithsonian institutional museum of shtuffs, where it lived on display for 20 years until one day, in the throws a drug fueled attempt to prove myself to my estranged father (who is a world famous wooden box historian and aficionado), I Tom Cruise’d a skylight at the museum and stole it it for his now infamously defunct box collection.

However, while two sheets to the wind at a house party my father threw In honor of this box, I realized I can never win his love with petty trinkets, doubled crossed him and swiped it. It is only now that I have decided to purge my life of all physical possessions, and pursue my lifelong goal of flying to the moon on a bunch of helium filled Get Well Soon balloons, have I decided to sell my most prized possession, this incredible mysterious box. Mostly to spurn my old man but also to buy the ballons. It’s two fold really.

Lastly, I have rubbed it twice and have been granted two wishes by a blue genie who has an uncanny similarity to the late great Robin Williams. I assume there is one more wish inside of this box, but I have not rubbed it a third time. There are no guarantees, and is sold as is where is, but I’m pretty sure Robin Williams is on the other side of a good rubbinz. Again, no guarantees. Sold as is.

On a more serious note, this listing is just a box and does not include a D19. If you ask why you did not receive the microphone, I will send you a small pouch of beans, the purpose of which will be revealed to you upon their arrival. Note that they will also arrive in a small box.

Sincerely,

“Just Boxes” - Reverb's premier box emporium located at 345 Box Ave, 2 blocks from Boxes R’ Us, just a half mile south from the New Jersey box district. All sales final, sold as is. Microphone included.